28 septembe 2009

I think I’ve a few days didn’t write anything already. I was quite busy over last few days. Busy studying and “facing” book.



Just now, one of my friends has shared his story with me. I should say that he should propose and approach to the girl he like. Nobody knows what the end is, but, at least, he will try. I think you would say none of your business and not like to interfere in people’s relationship. But, I just stated my point of views. I think should be ok .



Out of sudden, I feel so lonely. And I really want to get you beside by me and talk to you. How stupid am i? I should realize that you will never do so to me. I should say you’re cruel o love is blind? Can you give me any guidelines? Can you act as an stranger to talk to me or concern about me? I really need someone to comfort my mind. What you would say if you hear this? I think you will just ignore what I say. You are really somebody.

I have once to think to have a relationship and even in a court state. But, I always withdraw myself once I think about you. Do you know all this? Why should I suffer all things? Is this a necessary process for a bad guy like me to go through? But, in honest, I really not wish to go through all this process. I wish I can be a simple person to have a simple a relationship with a simple girl. May be I’m too naïve.

Actually, what I did at the time just wish you to talk to me. I would never expect that it would turn into such an ending. I swear. Whatever it is, I not hold it against you. By the way, how you going to celebrate you lantern festival first time outside you home town? Though I know you seldom celebrate it.

Have a happy lantern festival. (^-^)

25 september 2009

I have just finished my assignment.. Exhausted man... Do you get your assignment already? I also hope that you can read my blog also when you browse through the net... how ignorant am i? sorry , i'm day-dreaming again.

Today i saw a picture of you and him. I really felt discontent. But,i also feel a sense of guilty was rising in my heart when i saw your eyes in the picture at the same time. Can you tell me why? But, i think is due to what i had done to you. How irony it is? I also try to use the story in the Bible to convince myself that you will forgive me. But, in the bottom of my heart , i knew that you'll not.

I do know why i still miss you so much. Every time i'll remember your smile when i encounter problems.

But, you should congrate me in fact because i finally less hoping my hp to shake already and less disturb people already. I really miss the days that we have sms-ed each other even before test. There is something sweet to me .. Do you know that? May be you're not interested also, as i'm not the apple of your eyes. But, doesn't matter. Because you're in my eyes.

I want to tell out loud that even there is no guys in the world want you, in the condition you're old, i'm . So, you're not allowed to say nobody love you. But, you may say that nobody who has quality want you.

would we work at the same company,hospital,next time? as more private hospital is opened. I work as an accountant and you work as a doctor. how nice it is!!

I hope u're in pink. All the best, my friend.(-,^)

24 september 2009

Last night i heard from my friend that you are going to study abroad . En.. Still hope you are happy there too.

Without mistaken you have blocked me in your facebook, i feel. I think it's obvious that you cant forgive me . What i can say now? But, i willing to take this as an punishment to me. As you always said, everyone should pay a price for what they did.

I also heard from my friend that both of you are still in good relationship. Honestly, i'm quite jealous over this. But, i truly believe that love you is not possessing you. i'll continue not happy if i only think something bad about you.

I not understand why i can turn nice thing into worst like now. I bet that even i lay in the hospital and have a last breath you will also refuse to see me. well , all these are created by me and who i should blame? i should be the one to be blame.

I imagine we'll work together next time. So, before you become a licensed doctor, i'll work hard to achieve my goal also. "add oil , three of us"

Hope you'll never be sad. have a nice day and take care i wish to say out loud to you now.

23 September 2009

Today I have a peace of mind after what I have written last night. What you would say ？ I guess you would say, “Hey, go and study la, not think so much.” I wish I could do so right now. Without mistaken, I think you have been there about 9 days already. How is your life there? Interesting？Exciting？ I wish we can have the chance to exchange our difference experience in pursuing our study at different place.
Do you still remember that I ever told you that I want to buy the digest reader? You can buy it at our hometown now without ordering or going far a miles to buy it.　I still can remember the scenes that you were holding the digest reader and sitting in the field during the practice of “sukan”. Everything is fresh in my mind.
I’m struggling whether I should try to have a relationship with the others or remain the same now. But, I remember what you said once. 'What you did, only will hurt yourselves and her." So, I have come out with my decisions already. That’s remaining as single and until I’ve forgot you. I do this mainly because I can’t forget you. We’ve never been together, but you’re so important to me. I thought I would recover from the sad. But, it seems like this would takes years time to heal. Of course, I can’t take this as the girls in the world are cruel or bad. I would try to judge them from another angle.

I’m at hostel now. When I look outside from my window, almost every window is closed. Only a few are opened, including mine. Do you know how much I miss you? I　truly understand that you can’t forgive me easily. As you said, it’s not enough to just say sorry or merely apologize without sincere.
Just now I surf through my facebook. I can’t see your account anymore. Is you close it? Due to me? Or because you further your study in other country? I sincerely hope that you close it not mainly because want to avoid me.
Every time I go back to home town or come back, I’ll pass through your grandparents’ house. Every time I ride my motor on the road, I’ll doubt the driver would you or your parents whenever I see a similar car. Then a sense of guilty will arise in my heart. Why? Because it recalls me that I’ve bullied you once. It recalls me that I had bullied a good girl like you once.


Anyway, hope your life there is colourful and less irritating without me. But, when you need a person to comfort you, I would be there. May you're blessed al the time.

A letter for my ex-best friend

How are you? Are you happy? Do you encounter any unhappy things in your life? Can I have a long chat with you without caring time and money that I have to pay? These are all my little heart wants to do most now. But, it’s hard for me to do so now or even forever.

Undeniable, I try to escape from your eyesight every time I saw you. May be you think that I’m childish and immature. I think you’re right. May be I would be brave enough to have an eye contact with you next time. I have a test to sit next week and after next week. How I wish that I can get an encouragement from you, even just a sentence of words such like good luck. Do you know all these things? I even reject to “add” you as my friend in facebook just afraid that I may say harsh words to you again and make myself less value in your eyes.

Every time when I pick my cell phone up I wish I have some friends like you can chat non-stop and who understand me very well and even my next step as well. I think because of you I have addicted to sms to somebody already. Sometimes when I try to do this to one of my new friends, they may doubt my intention. But, may be, I’m too lonely and intend to find someone to replace your place in my heart. I do not know what is in my mind now. I feel so so so lonely. I wish I could able to hold on in my journey without you. I remember what you said at that time “time is all I need to forget you once”. But, do you really think that a good girl such like you can be easily forgotten? It’s irreplaceable. Do you know that I have even dreamed that we can work together?

You may say serve me right. Don’t you? You may say that was me that broke our friendship. But, I would say that if I not do so, I would love you even much. Can you imagine what I intended to do at the time? Suicides, run away, begins crazy and immerse myself in the work. At least, I can temporarily forget you. Now, I totally realize that I can’t get you rid out of my mind. I always question myself why I always do things so impulsively。 I do regret everything that I did on you. If I was granted another chance to choose either to stay beside you or leave you, I would choose to stay beside you even thought just a normal friend. Of course, in a triangle relationship should have someone to be kicked out. I accept the fact now.

I had thousand of questions want to ask you once. But, for now, I think love and not love a person are no reasons required. I promise not matter what happen to you, as long as you ask for help from me. I will not turn you down.

Now, I wish you have a bright future Dr and control your temper as well to avoid any dispute between you and him.Ｉsincerely hope that you can live happier than I and always be.